Vinnie Junior can be so sweet!

I told him all about how I’m going to lose ten pounds before we go to visit Gabi and Giancarlo next month. I told him how it's easy. All I do is eat fruit instead of cake. And I have lots of fruit recipes, there's a lovely strawberry muffin recipe from my other sista Rosie that I'm gonna try for size.

I hope you're reading my diet diary...

I don't know why people go around being fat when it's so easy to lose weight. Everyone knows that you’ve gotta eat salads and fruit. Mario at the deli has some great pasta salads, bean salads, rice salads and I have a great recipes for Tuscan bread salad. And I just love mayo, I can eat anything, even lettuce, if it’s smothered in mayo. Cold food doesn't have the calories, you see. For lunch today I had a marvelous gorgonzola quiche salad. And I'm real good at fruit desserts.

Which brings me back to Vinnie Junior. The sweetheart came home with a huge bag of cherries for me. Now isn't that considerate of him? He’s not a bit like his father, he takes after my side of the family. Well, maybe not my sister Sophia but the less said about her, the better.

Well, those cherries are going to be just wonderful in my special cherry pie. I spent all morning making pastry and getting the cherries ready and then went to Bendini's for my weekly do and manicure. Well, who should be alongside me having her nails done in the most awful shade of pink but Mrs. Spinetti. Oh my gawd, that woman just bores the pants off me. And you just can't get a word in once she starts. Her and her husband, Whatsisname, do their own garden.

Can you imagine it! Not like sensible people who pave their yard, they actually enjoy pottering round planting things, weeding things and pruning things. I was wondering why she bothers to have her nails done at all. She'll ruin them in no time. Well, of course, she soon told me. It seems that her and whatsisname are having a dinner party tonight for some other boring garden people. Whatisname had invited them to an al fresco dinner in their garden so they could show off all their lovely plants.

My gawd, when people come to my house for dinner, they admire the food, not the shrubbery. I bet the woman can't even cook.

She was telling me all about it and I tell you, that woman just won't shut up. She was going on and on about their prize-winning agapanthuses or something. Sounded like a dirty word to me. She could bore for Italy, Mrs Spinetti. You see, there's no way I could interrupt her because she was talking about something I knew nothing about. Apparently the star of the show was a prunus or something like that and how much fruit was on it.

My manicurist Suzy gave me one of those looks as if to say "My gawd, what a dreadful woman" and I gave her one back that said "Get my nails done so I can get out of here". At last! My nails looked gorgeous and at last I could escape.

“Well Mrs Spinetti, it was lovely hearing all about your garden" See? I'm very polite sometimes. "I must get back home because I’m cooking cherry pies. Vinnie Junior brought me a big bag of cherries. Isn’t that sweet?" and with that, I was outa there!

I assembled two delicious pies and before long there was this wonderful smell coming from the oven. Vinnie Junior and his dad are going to just love these!

To be honest withya, I need to sweeten up Vinnie a little. You see, because my sista Gabi told me she'd bought some new clothes, I went out and did the same thing yesterday. When we go there to visit, I don't want her gloating around in a new wardrobe with me walking around in old rags, do I? Well, after dinner last night, Vinnie couldn't find his reading glasses and he wanted to read the sports section of the paper. "Use mine" I yelled "They're in my purse". What a mistake that was. Yes, he found the credit card receipt and I thought he was going to have a coronary there and then.

So a homemade cherry pie will be just the thing to get on the right side of him again.

I took the cherry pies out of the oven, just as there was a knock on the door. Oh no! What had I done to deserve this? It was whatsisname. I’d already had to suffer Mrs Spinetti. Maybe she'd sent him to borrow one of my recipes. I’d guessed she couldn't cook and everyone knows that I'm the best cook in the neighborhood. But as soon as he got through the door, the man started yelling at me!

He was going on about his prunus!

"Mr Spinetti, you just remind me of Vinnie when he found my credit card receipt! Just calm down and tell me what you're talking about. What is this prunus?"

Well, you're not going to believe this. These garden people are very strange. They can't just call a rose a rose, they have to give it a fancy name. Typical, really. And Whatisname explained to me, although growled at me would be a better way of putting it, that his prunus is, in real life, his cherry tree. All his cherries had disappeared.

"And, Mrs Gollazzo" he said, sternly, "I am told by my wife that your son brought you a big bag of cherries..."

Oh my gawd.

What could I do? The only way I could get rid of Whatsisname was to give him his cherries back. But he wasn't just getting his lousy cherries, was he? He was also getting my beautiful pies!! And my plans to please Vinnie had gone right out the window and as for Vinnie Junior! That bambino is in deep trouble.

What a wonderful evening I've got to look forward to.

Oh my gawd.